Test Czar Dolores Umbridge: All instruction must be test-prep.

Newly appointed Testing Czar Dolores Umbridge, with the approval of Secretary Duncan, has issued her first decree, a slight modification of Educational Decree 26, originally covering instruction at the Hogwarts School. The original decree is as follows:

Educational Decree 26: Teachers are hereby banned from giving students information that is not strictly related to the subject they are paid to teach.

The new decree, now official US Department of Education policy, is:

Teachers are hereby banned from giving students information that is not strictly related to the material covered on tests approved by the US Department of Education.

"We have a lot of heavy lifting to do," said Mr. Duncan, in approving the new decree. "We will need extensive monitoring to make sure everybody is on track."